Are you feeling like you have lost yourself?
Becoming a mum means giving yourself basically over to your newborn - yep...
"here baby, take me, take all of me - take my sleep, take my body and take it all - I love you so much, it's yours and I don't even need time to pee or shower - I'm good"
And the days turn to weeks and turn to months and sometimes even years. What happens is that our children and man-children (aka husbands) will always take as much as we give and the more we give perhaps the more they will need.
Boundaries and keeping ourselves in tune with our needs is super important, and also focuses other than being a mum - yes, I said it. There is MORE and it's healthy for everyone.
Here are 5 simple tips for mothers that either don't want to get stuck in this "who am I" situation which so many of us deal with and also for mummas to be if you're pregnant or planning a family in the near future:
1. Fill your cup, always.
You can NOT pour from an empty cup so you need to find ways to give to yourself FIRST - yes, you are NUMBER 1. You can love your kids to the moon or back. But think about this. In an emergency on a plane - who do you need to attend to first so you can help others-, that's right. YOU. Don't take any action with this one - just tell yourself you are number one and you need to take care of yourself first. This will lead the way to accept help from others, saying 'no' to those guests when you're too tired, asking for help and seeing and knowing YOU are number one.
2. Think of one hobby/something stimulating that doesn't include the word 'Net' or 'Flix'. I don't mean going jet skiing etc - something you can do whilst home or close to your home with your baby. For me, I dove into self-development and learning more about my online business through books and videos. If it wasn't for my online business which I was able to do around the twins, and keeping connected to humans - and also feeling a sense of self-worth and contribution whilst being a mum - I have NO idea what I would have felt like. It also means now the boys are 1, I don't need to 'find myself' I can just continue and a faster pace!
What do you love? Knitting, drawing, self-development? Keep yourself stimulated so when all the other mummas in the area are busy and you want to do something you have it there. Sometimes we get lost and turn to the TV. And then, after a year - bam... you can only recall every character in your fave netflix show and feel a bit lost.
3. The attitude of gratitude - get into the habit of writing a journal and 3-10 gratitudes. Motherhood can be challenging. I have twins and a 6 year old going on 35. I get it. But I only found this journey a challenge at times but never lost my shi$ because honestly - I have been practicing gratitude for so long that my reflex is just to be thankful and it's super hard to feel grateful and like a crazy lunatic at the same time. Not saying I haven't felt like I have totally lost the reigns, but it's a super quick mindset shift. I stop., breath and thank the 'whoever you want to thank - god, universe etc' that I am blessed with 'inert blessing'.
4. MEDITATION - yes. This is the shiz. It's proven to reduce anxiety, helps reduce stress, improves sleep and much more. I personally recommend going to youtube and entering ' guided mediation for <insert feeling>.' There has never ever been a case of me saying "wow, I really wish I didn't meditate today". Try it. YOu can put in the time you have and really specify your meditation. Even if you put it on in the evening and fall asleep, it will be amazing. Go for it!
5. Health and nutrition - I found with the twins I was much better prepared. Well, it's not that I had time to really prepare 3 course meals but I found ways to keep up my nutrition and ensure I looked after myself. My breakfast was my vegan wholefood smoothies combined with super food fruit vegetable and berry capsules which meant every day I knew I was kind of covered. I kept healthy food in the house, took food home from family dinners, prepared big meals and froze them so I had healthy soups and dishes readily available. This is HUGE because one part of feeling like we have lost ourselves is - let's face it, our bodies don't feel the same. They are the most amazing things in the world to birth our babies - but they go through quite the journey and we can forget to look after them, to focus on nourishment - because we are so caught up giving to our family. And then fast forward 9months or a year - and we get time to look in the mirror and it goes something like this "fck, when did all this happen". We don't need to obsess, it's not about weight loss, it's about putting us first and not last and saying it's ok to want to feel good and look good whilst being a mum.
Hope those tips have helped, they certainly have gotten me through this past year.
P.S. Want to check out how I make a living whilst being a mum and actually enjoy it? Just fill out this form and I'll be in touch https://www.nicolebrodie.com/thefitandfabcollective